Loved Letter: The Upside to Rock Bottom

Hi There.

The truth is I’m dead broke, and usually that would stress me out.

But surprisingly…. I’m at peace.

It’s no one but God that has given me this peace. Left to my own devices, I would be trying any and EVERYthing to get money coming into my bank account.

But, instead I rest.

It’s unusual, but there is a certain freedom that comes with hitting rock bottom.

There is a freedom that comes with being dead broke.

No longer am I trying to do everything in my own power to avoid the inevitable. I’m resting in God’s.

No longer am I being unkind to myself or being unhealthy; stressing myself out, breaking out, losing hair, gaining weight, adopting horrible habits like working for 14 hours straight.

I am calm.

I know that God will supply all of my needs.

I did a lot of things, followed a lot of wrong paths trying to achieve this “American Dream”, or what’s left of it.

I went to school, which got me into about 100,000 dollars of student loan debt in a human services field.

I played it safe… or so I thought.

The truth is, playing it safe got me into way more trouble than I had anticipated.

In a lot of ways, I imprisoned myself.

Chasing the dollar, meant leaving or delaying chasing my dreams.

I was too afraid of chasing my dreams and being broke, and ironically, here I am.

I see where I am as some sort of emancipation, though many would call this prison.

The one thing I feared, has happened.

I am lacking in the funds I’d like to have, but I have more time to work on my craft— on my art.

I have become way more creative in the way that I get things done or share.

I’ve gotten rid of so many things that I don’t need. Cancelled subscriptions that I wasn’t using.

There is nothing for me to do now, except dust myself off and come up with another game plan.

I am now free to chase my dreams. Without the tether to a lifestyle, a 9-5, or my fear, I feel free enough to start over. I’ve been given a fresh, clean slate and I can choose to do with it what I want.

I can build and manufacture a career that I love, that brings me joy and gives joy and aid to other people.

The upside to hitting rock bottom is this:

You’ve already sunken as low as you can. You are now humble and clear enough to create something new with your life.

Don’t try to scramble to get everything back that you had before if you weren’t even fulfilled by it.

Begin again. Try something new. You now have the freedom to reinvent yourself and embrace a life you love.

God is teaching me somethings. To trust Him. With everything. In scary times. In uncertain places…

I am so at peace, and it’s because I trust God.

I believe this was the only way that I could be still and open and vulnerable enough to actually even hear Him.

So, if you’ve hit rock bottom, welcome.

There is so much potential here. 

Let’s embrace it, not fight against it.

It won’t be easy, but we can mange.

After all, God doesn’t waste pain.

With So Much Love,

Alecia Renece